i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
