Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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