Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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