So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize