i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
