the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
