Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can't special order awesome
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
