After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
