So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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