So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
