I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
