Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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