The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
