Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
