real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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