You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
