WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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