Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
