Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
