If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
