Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
