if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
