My liver just broke up with me...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
