I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
