Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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