And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
