Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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