she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
