i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
