I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
