Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
