a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
