after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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