Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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