3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
