I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
