dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
