I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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