eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Found your dick twin last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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