I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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