You're my little dorito
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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