i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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