Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
