so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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