I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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