i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
