new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
