I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
