wanna go halves on a baby?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
