did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
