no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
