It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
