And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
