she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize