if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
from now on my penis is your penis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
