hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there was a trapeze. enough said
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
