She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
