Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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