i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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