yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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