woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize