Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
