So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
