Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
