I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
