I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
